i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this will be a night to untag.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
