WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
