Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
