Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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