I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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