i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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