i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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