he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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