I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
