I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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