I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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