You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works