Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"