Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
