If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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