I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
