Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.