Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.