i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?