is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
