can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
