last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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