i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
