Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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