Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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