i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
