I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
