why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
