That's intense
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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