I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
