Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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