This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
