what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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