what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
