is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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