I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
