Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We need to get me chipped asap
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
