I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
