so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
handjob tips. give me some.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
