The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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