I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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