found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize