the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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