i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
3pm strippers are depressing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
