oh god the rape fog is back!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
