I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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