I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
