i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
