Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In other news, I just burned my penis
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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