I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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