You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
