It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize