You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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