did you get engaged???
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just googled if crying burns calories
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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