From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
