I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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