can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
