i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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