I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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