end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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