it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
