So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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