I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
